Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Having a contest with my couch and my washing machine to see who has more money. So far I`m in 3rd.
Sawing a hole in the bottom of a table to steal someone`s cake is way harder than it looks on cartoons.
3 shots of vodka can erase 8 hours of rage in 15 minutes. That’s all the math you really need to know.
I made Creme Brulee today. More food should require the use of a blow torch.
If your job title is head receiver, you know you`re doing something right.
I saw a chameleon today. I guess it was a pretty crappy chameleon.
Every parent’s superpower is the ability to communicate “I love you!” and “I will kill you!” with a single look.
I want the job where you push scared skydivers out of planes.
Next time one of your friends leave their Facebook open, randomly pick one of their friends and like all 973 of their photos.
What age is the best to break it to my kids, that they`re NOT adopted?
If only I did everything with the same precision in which I craft my sandwiches.
The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers make any f*cking sense.
If you emphasize the ‘po’ in police they’re probably already after you.
Meaningless statistics are up 17% today
Celery is 95% water and 100% not pizza.