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A yawn is a silent scream for coffee!
Apologizing for canceling a meeting is like saying sorry for buying me a beer.
You know what`s more miraculous than a video with a million view but no dislikes on YouTube? The detention sheet empty for my class.
The path to inner peace begins with 3 simple words....Not my problem.
Why is it called cliffhanger and not
For every action, there’s an equal and opposite reaction. Plus a social media overreaction.
If you`re stuck in the wild, rub two mozzarella sticks together to start a pizza.
Sorry for nicking your car with my door, but you didn`t leave much room. It`s small, but I circled it with my key so you could find it.
OMG, you guys, there`s a button on this stove that says "Stop Time". Should I press it??
Silence is Golden, unless you`re married.. Then Silence is Suspicious.
Receipts are just short-stories about how stupid you are with money.
You`re the type of person who didn`t rewind the Blockbuster VHS...
I bet all those girls that ignored me in high school would still be pretty pleased with that decision.
Are you always this stupid or is today a special occasion?
Wow, it`s beautiful outside. I should probably do something. Like close the blinds so there isn`t a glare on my screen.