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On my tombstone I want it to say: ‘I didn’t forward the text message to 15 friends.” ;)
I judge how safe an area is by the number of lit letters on the Waffle House sign.
I want a doorbell that makes the sound of someone knocking on the door.
He was like, `We`re all slowly dying` So I was like, `WRONG` and I threw him in front of a moving bus.
I can buy my own sugar. What I need is an insurance daddy.
If I`m in your house and you have bookshelves... Be prepared to see me turning statues and bending down books while looking for your lair.
You better not pout, you better not cry, you better not shout I`m telling you why...we have our own problems and nobody cares about yours.
Bitch, you`re just like monday, nobody likes you -_-
Everyone, please... a moment of silence for all my married friends who have a shared Facebook account.
*during sex,I suddenly stop moving* Her: What are you doing? Me: SHHHHH It`s ok...I saw this on Pornhub, It`s called Buffering!
You dont know sh!t about pressure until you`re the only Black person on the dance floor while white people clap & form a circle around you
There`s nothing a floored gas pedal and cranked music can`t cure.
Chaos, panic and disorder. My work here is done.
I used to think drinking was bad until i stopped thinking
Let this be known as my Living Will. I do not wish to be cremated. If the Zombie Apocalypse happens I would like to be a part of it.