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I was driving to work this morning and saw a bumper sticker that said, "Jesus is the answer." A few minutes later I saw another bumper sticker that said, "Who farted?" That was the best game of Highway Jeopardy ever!
that awkward moment when you`re scuba diving and you see Adele rolling in the deep.
Some of the nicest women you`ll meet on Facebook are men.
Some people wouldn`t understand irony if it beat them over the head with a helmet.
I screamed a Brazilian times during that waxing.
I bet now a lot of doctors are going to be reluctant to respond to “Is there a doctor on the plane?”
Time is precious. Waste it wisely.
I don`t always say `oops`, but when I do, it`s usually ten minutes after I have a brilliant idea.
"I have no idea. Why don`t you just Google it?" —My answer to just about every question I`m ever asked
Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but my boss just gets mad when I don`t come into work.
It`s always awkward the first time you hold hands with someone because they usually want to know who you are and why you just grabbed them.
Jobs are like relationships. You have them, you cry about it. You don’t have them, you cry about it.
facebooked yo mama!!!
Just hired two Private Investigators to follow each other. I`ll keep you posted......
Bill Gates: A billi a billi a billi JayZ: Half billi half billi half billi Lil Wayne: A milli a milli a milli Me: A dollar a dollar a dollar