Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I hate hanging out with MC Hammer, he never let`s me touch anything.
Lightning bugs use their blinkers more than most drivers.
October is breast awareness month for women, men are usually aware of breasts all year round.
I’m working on my resume. Should I use the term “mad skillz” or would “mad skills” be more formal?
It`s a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships.
Just convinced my Mom she won`t get Wolf of Wall Street if she doesn`t see Teen Wolf first.
You could completely eliminate the semicolon key and 90% of people wouldn`t notice... until they needed to wink at somebody.
I hear there is scientific proof that birthdays are good for you... the more you have the longer you live.
If Jimmy cracked corn and no one cares, then why the heck is there a song about it?
A homeless guy asked me for 50 cents for a sandwich. I said, "First let me see the sandwich."
Marriage is just a fancy word for adopting an overgrown man child who can`t take care of himself.
If women kept their feelings to themselves would they explode? Guess we`ll never know.
Twitter is proof that people should not be allowed to name themselves.
I asked my wife if we could get a hot young nanny. Of course she got mad and said "No!". For one thing, we don`t have any kids...
I sure could help a lot of needy people if I won the big Powerball draw. Mainly sales people needing a commission, but still...