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Worry: a waste of imagination.
I’m trusting a whole lot of people not to randomly murder me throughout the day.
Do you think that the guy who invented the vibrator heard voices saying, "if you build it they will come"?
Coffee is nature’s way of saying “Go ahead, get drunk on a weeknight, I got your back!”
If electricity comes from electrons… does that mean that morality comes from morons?
A person soon learns how little they know when a child begins to ask questions.
your status deserves a standing ovation but I`m lazy I`ll just click `like`
My boss doesn’t like it when I play slavery songs at work….
You know you are desperate for an answer when you look at the second page of Google.
I just quit my job at the helium bottling plant. I refuse to be spoken to in that tone!
Hi I’m an evil ghost with the ability to defy time & space, but I think the best example of my powers will be to slightly close this door.
change your birthday on facebook to today, see how many people say happy birthday for APRIL FOOLS!!!! lol
My whole life is based on a true story...
Worst part about getting a phone call is the 12 seconds you can’t use your phone as you wait for it to stop ringing.
If nobody comes from the future to stop you, how bad can the decision really be?