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Sometimes my neighbors love my music so much that they invite the police to listen.
Apparently, starting an impromptu game of leap frog with somebody bending over to tie their shoe is considered rude. Church is boring.
I don’t care how high you set the bar as long as I can reach my drink.
I don`t understand why you guys complain about never being able to finish a tube of chapstick, it usually only takes me 2 or 3 bites.
I enjoy going to costume parties that have a theme. ..."Nude Beach" is my personal favorite.
Its amazing how many people respond to "Hey Dumba$$!"
Time flies when you`re throwing watches.
If someone says “you’re funny” instead of laughing, you’re not.
You know what I hate? People who answer their own questions.
Call me old fashioned but I prefer women with eyebrows made out of hair.
Dear Rebecca Black, you are the most beautiful And prettiest girl in the world. Don`t let the haters get you down. P.S Forgot to mention today`s opposite day.
Don`t just be one of those people who stares at their phone or computer twelve hours a day. It`s important to also watch some TV.
Never underestimate the power of the web. -Charlotte
My neighbor put the box his fridge came in on the curb for trash pickup. Guess who has a new fort!
“I’m going to be a little bit late” -people that are going to be very late