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I`m on this great new diet where I spend all my grocery money on strippers.
Someone asked who sang Johnny B Goode, and I said Marty McFly because I`m not an idiot and I know how time travel works.
I think I really have an amazing butt. Every time I talk to someone and start walking off they say "what an ass.."
I`m not saying women are smarter than men, but it`s kinda ironic that there`s so few known women serial killers and so many unsolved murders.
I`ve come to believe that everyone on Earth could benefit from a 12 step program.
If anyone could do it, it wouldn`t be called PROcrastination.
Is everything expensive or am I just poor?
In my experience, most arguments are caused by a misunderstanding of the fact that I`m right.
Save time. See it my way.
My downstairs neighbor thinks I`m a little creepy and that I overstep my bounds. At least that`s what she wrote in her diary.
I hate it when Iām singing along to a song, and the artist gets it wrong.
YOU KNOW WHY!!!!!!!!!!
Do the right thing today: Go to someone`s profile, scroll down 4 months, and like something.
My last relationship was almost as complicated as the knot my pocket created with my headphones.
Back before Walmart, you used to have to buy a ticket to see a bearded woman.