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If you keep doing what you´ve always done, you´ll keep getting what you´ve always gotten.
One man`s sarcastic answer, is another man`s stupid question
Recipes sound good until you realize that you don`t have $846 worth of spices in your house.
My kids wanna have a water balloon fight later, I just got done putting mine in the freezer... Wanna bet I win...
Do you remember that creepy guy who stood behind you on a train 6 years ago and was smelling your hair? Hi!
Facebook: Wasting peoples lives since 2004
When people have cars as their profile picture I automatically presume they are a transformer.
If you see someone crying, ask them if it is because of their haircut.
I bet all the cool math nerds call each other algebros.
I declare today, “Hit that dumb person you’ve always wanted to punch in the face day.”
Boobs are like model trains. They were originally for children but grown men always want to play with them.
I can see your camouflage pants, so they`re not working.
Pretty sure I know what my wife`s getting me for my birthday cause when I guessed, "A 3-way?" she got all angry like I ruined the surprise.
"Based on a true story" means it happened more or less like this, but with ugly people.
If nobody comes from the future to stop you, how bad can the decision really be?