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If you can`t remember my name, just say `donuts`. I`ll definitely turn around and look.
Why is it that people who drink energy drinks seem like the people with the least amount of stuff going on?
You can test my patience all you want, but I’m never going to pass.
Is it wrong, to put people on your bucket list?
I`ve been told that I never take responsibility for anything, and it`s all your fault.
"Any way you can speed this up, officer? I`m obviously in a hurry."
I just don`t have enough middle fingers for today.
Office thermostats only have 2 settings: hell fire and hypothermia.
Of course everyone deserves a 2nd chance, but I gave yours to someone else.
It’s called sarcasm, and it confuses stupid people.
I know 3 facts about you: 1.You can’t say ‘M’ without your lips touching. 2.You’re trying it now looking like an idiot. 3. Now you’re smiling
I`ve spotted six Pokémon today but I don`t have the game so I may need new meds...
I always wanted to buy a Parrot and teach it to say, "Help, they`ve turned me into a parrot!"
They should make a "How It`s Made" episode on how "How It`s Made" is made.
The Bishop came to our church today, but I think he was an imposter. He never once moved diagonally.