Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I don`t smoke,i don`t drink,don`t do drugs. I only have one small problem, i lie.
I think sex is probably the best stress reliever, but I haven’t beaten anyone with a baseball bat before, so I can’t be 100% sure.
Doing word problems as a kid has helped me in adulthood. "Dan doesn`t have enough money for his bills, how long before he is homeless?"
Some people have a natural talent for stupid. Others take that talent and actually ENHANCE it!
Guys are excellent cooks. With two eggs, a sausage, & a little bit of milk...they can keep a girl`s stomach full for 9 months.
You know when you put a stick in water and it looks bent ? That’s why I never take baths...
I take comfort in the fact that my neighbour will probably die before me. I`ll be at his funeral, leafblowing through the entire ceremony.
Despite the high cost of living, it still remains popular.
I`m pretty sure there`s a chip in my car that turns all traffic lights RED...
I read somewhere that we only use 10% of our brains. I wonder what the other half is for?
If you`re in a hole, stop digging...
Today I caught myself smiling ... I was thinking of you ... Don´t flatter yourself though, it was because you had a booger in your nose the last time I saw you.
I just wish the automatic paper towel dispensers were half as sensitive as the automatic flushers.
Rich people have rehab. Poor people have jail.
My Son: The marriage vows say "tell death do us part", so we are not married in heaven ? Me: That`s right son, cause if we were still married, we`d be in hell.