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Finally did it. 25 inflatable mattresses later and I’ve finally turned my apartment into a bounce castle.
Oh Mickey, you’re so fine, you’re so fine you blow my mind. Hey Mickey. Hey Hey Mickey!..face it you didn’t read that, you sang it.
There are two types of people in the world: 1. People who understand and appreciate sarcasm. 2. Morons.
Your french fries are just my french fries on the wrong plate.
I could do so much more if I only had minions.
I have a bad habit of laughing at inappropriate moments.
Does Facebook have a “You’re not smart enough to be talking about politics” button?
Life is Hard; it’s harder if you’re stupid.
Marriage: an expensive way to get your laundry done for free..
No magician can do a trick that impresses me as much as that ‘take off my bra and make it appear out of my sleeve’ thing that girls do.
Give a man a fish and he`ll go to McDonald`s instead. Teach a man to fish and nope, still McDonald`s
"Please take a seat" was a bad introduction for a Kleptomaniacs` Anonymous meeting.
My flock of sheep were stolen from my farm last month. I`ve not been able to sleep since.
Why get married? Just pick a girl you hate and buy her a house.
Wonder what my couch is doing right now.