Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I’m crazy but not “LeBron is better than Jordan” crazy.
I don`t hate you, I`m just not necessarily excited about your existence.
I`d swim across the ocean for you.. Lol, Just kidding. There`s f*cking sharks in there.
Lord, if I can`t be skinny, make my friends look fat.
If you want your wife or girlfriend to listen and pay undivided attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
In wine there is wisdom. In beer there is strength. In water there is bacteria. You decide.
My job description does not include farting on everyone else`s office chairs but I still do it because INITIATIVE.
The only thing worse than having it rain after you wash your car is have to poop as soon as you get out of the shower.
I slept on the sofa last night which is weird because I`m not even married.
Here’s the thing about work: I really don’t feel like doing any.
Find someone who is honest, laughs when you make fun of them, and then give each other orgasms.
When I die, I want a cellphone in my coffin...just in case
I have company coming, does a spork go on the right or left side?
Thought I was having deja-vu. But it turns out, I do the exact same things every day.
I have always wanted to start a brand of Christian themed lollipops and call them Catho-licks.