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I bought a blowup doll today, but I won`t blow her up until tomorrow. I don`t want to seem desperate.
18 is TOO young to get married! You can`t even buy booze at 18! If you can`t buy booze, how the hell are you gonna make a marriage work?!?
Well, if anything, the Mayans did teach us one valuable lesson. If you don`t finish something...it`s really not the end of the world.
If someone hates you for no reason, give that motherf*cker a reason.
Iām that kind of person who between two choices always pick the wrong one.
I think I`m approaching my "best if used by" date
Guacamole is my favorite food that looks like someone already ate it.
I can see exactly 6 years into the future. I have 2020 vision.
If you pull the pin out of a grenade, can you put it back in and let go? I`m going to need a quick answer for this....
Sorry I said "at least it`s healthy" when you asked me how cute your baby was.
The saddest thing about St. Patrick`s Day is taking down all my Christmas decorations.
Free middle fingers for everyone!!!
My decision making skills closely resemble that of a squirrel when crossing the street.
"Did you know that life is a sexually transmitted disease with a 100% fatality rate?"
The race to get Dad a Christmas present usually ends in a tie.