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What idiot called it the sun instead of a space heater?
"Give me your finest meal, money is of no concern." ~ Me at McDonald`s on pay day.
Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.
A recent survey of one person revealed that 100% of me thinks that I should leave work early.
I was so disturbed by hearing about all the people using marijuana today that I almost dropped my deep-fried Snickers bar into my 48oz Coke.
One day you will die, but every other day you won’t. So that’s pretty great, right? ... Inspirational posts are hard.
to do list: buy a parrot. teach the parrot to say, "Help!! I`ve been turned into a parrot!"
Unless your kids fundraiser is selling whisley, I`m not really interested
I won $20 by not playing the lottery last night!
I snuck popcorn into the movie theater but they won’t let me use their microwave.
The first rule of elevator club is don`t talk to other members of elevator club.
Bored? Simply send a text message to a random number saying..."I`m Pregnant!"
Back in my day it was called daydreaming…not ADHD.
I pulled my wife`s panties to the side.......then put the rest of her socks in the drawer.
My "Kiss me, I`m Irish" shirt only seems to be working on my dog.