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It’s called karma, and it’s pronounced “haha! Screw you!”
I`ve been married to my wife 10 years today. Having sex with just one person in 10 years is pure dedication. I don`t know how she does it.
My imaginary friend is bullying me.
If airports are so safe, why are the buildings called Terminal
Dear alcohol we had a deal where you were supposed to make me cool, sexy, charming and a great dancer........I seen a video......we need to talk.
I get a little nervous eating cucumber in a single woman`s home.
Nothing says God is forgiving like hell.
Lying about my age is easier now that I have trouble remembering what it is.
I`m not always rude. Sometimes I`m sleeping.
At the end of the day, life should ask us, Do you want to save the changes?
There’d be less accidents if there was a texting lane.
A word to the wise ain`t necessary - it`s the stupid ones that need the advice!
Dont freeze your Common sense in the process of being COOL.
Life is about perspective like the sinking of the Titanic was a miracle for the lobsters in the ships kitchen
Today I think I`ll send out texts saying "Hey, I got a new phone and lost your number. Can I have it again?" ...JUST to see how many responses I will get. ;)