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“Nevermind.” Translation: You should’ve listened the first time.
Bathroom hand dryers are amazing if you want to kill a few minutes before wiping your hands on your pants.
This dishwasher sucks. It`s already ruined three of my paper plates.
Happy Hallogivemas!!!!!! It`s the time of year when the stores sell Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas stuff all on ONE aisle!
Mario Bros. Plumbing ????? (69 Reviews) Hired them to clear my drain, stomped my turtle to death and ran off with my girlfriend.
I`m pretty sure my laundry breeds while I sleep.
There are no limits to what you can accomplish when you’re supposed to be doing something else.
is pondering why people have a favorite color M&M when they all taste the same!
I`m sorry, I`ll be busy this weekend walking around my house with mini alcohol bottles and fun size candy bars pretending I`m a giant.
Pork is awesome, but it`s best when used as a verb.
I`m kind of like Hugh Hefner. Only without the mansion, the exotic cars, the girls, the magazine and the money. Basically, I`m just a guy in a bathrobe.
There are people on Facebook who don`t realize the difference between "What`s on your mind" or "I should talk to a therapist about this"
Thanks to Netflix I can tell my doctor I`ve done a lot of "marathons"
If your pet has its own FB page, it might be time for a reality check...
You had me at 0 mutual friends