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I may look like I`m doing nothing, but in my head I`m quite busy.
I hate crickets in my house.....except for the one I just killed. He seems ok.
"I can`t wait to nail you later" *whispers to the new picture I just bought*
For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness.
I always tell new hires, don`t think of me as your boss, think of me as your friend who can fire you`re ass
Life would be more simple if the person who named the orange an orange would have named more things. ;) Just Sayin`
Why isn`t Hungary`s capital city called "Very"
My husband told me that in some cultures women do all the housework, so I told him in some cultures blow jobs don`t exist. He`s vacuuming
Men are great listeners when you have big boobs ;)
Look for my new diet book: "How To Work Out And Watch What You Eat And Still Gain Plenty Of Weight"
I`m eating a vegan lunch today. Sure, it`s six sleeves of Smarties and a Diet Coke, but I`m still better than you.
The best part about being a pathological liar is flying my helicopter to my private island.
I just did some calculations and I`ve been able to determine that you`re full of sh!t.
You`re the type of person who didn`t rewind the Blockbuster VHS...
I do what I want, when I want, where I want.. if my mom says its ok. :)