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Does Facebook offer a 401(k)?
Apparently Home Depot`s slogan of "You can do it; We can help" doesn`t apply to masturbation.
Can Walmart be a feeling? I think that`s how I feel today.
I used to like my neighbours, until they put a password on their Wi-Fi
Yesterday was international ninja day and I didn`t even know. Well played ninja day, well played.
"He sure seems like a nice young man" is Grandma-speak for "I`d totally hit that."
I found my wife through online dating. So, she`s definitely got some explaining to do!
I`ve got this great new drinking game where you take a shot every time you want to get more drunk.
I got pulled over for drunk driving last night. In my defense I didn’t even know I was driving.
"The Twilight Zone" makes me long for the days when you could smoke on a spaceship.
I`m not sayin you are stupid, I just said that you have bad luck when you`re thinking.
I thought we were both kidding when we made plans for me to watch your kid.
It`s not too late to start convincing our children that the world really did end in 2012 and we`re the survivors.
Internet Dating......The Odds are good but the Goods are odd
Just finished building Rome with Legos. Took me a day.