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According to my nipples, summer is over
My New Year`s resolution is to spend more time wishing my enemies were dead.
I`ll be right with you, I`m busy being inappropriate on the internet.
Actually baby, diamonds are a girls best friend, so technically I slept with your second best friend
Just bought a Ken doll. I don`t know what everyone`s talking about, you can`t read books on this thing.
I enjoy planting sex toys at yard sales in nice neighborhoods, then sit back to watch the magic unfold.
I´ll never be old enough to know better.
Would I be in a porno for a million dollars? It depends. What kind of porn? Will my mom see it? Do I have to pay the million all at once?
So far the "couch" part of couch-to-5k is easily my favorite.
I don`t know why I even bother chewing corn.
Men think us women dream of finding the perfect man when really, all we want is to eat anything without getting fat.
This morning someone threw Skittles at me and said "Taste the Rainbow", I ran them over with my car and sang,"Nationwide is on your side"
Just stopped by my old high school and updated my phone number on all the bathroom stalls.
Work is one long game of back and forth emails with cleverly disguised f*ck you`s.
Ok Brazil, this would be a time when it`s ok to bite an opponent.