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Girls say they want a guy who is funny and spontaneous but when I tap on the window at night dressed as a clown it’s all panic and screaming.
I was all "I`m not taking any sh!t from you" and she was all "to speak to a member of our customer service team, press 1".
Saying an actors performance was unbelievable is actually an insult.
What is the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don’t know, and I don’t care.
Good news: I can still do a full split! Bad news: It wasn`t on purpose!
Somebody has to be awesome…might as well be me.
After meeting me... my therapist is now in therapy...
I get worried when someone posts a kitten pic with a foreign language, I don`t know if they`re showing a cute kitty pet or their dinner.
If you´re cooler than me, doesnt that make me hotter than you?
This status has been censored by Facebook
My New Years Resolution for 2015 is to stop being so impatient.
Seen it all, done it all, can´t remember most of it.
Walmart...because going to Target requires identity theft protection and a shower.
If you can read this, you`re not having sex either.
Im just waiting for the day for Ashton Kutcher to go to Charlie Sheen and say "its stilll your show. YOU JUST BEEN PUNK`D!"