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A new study has found that women with larger butts live longer than men who mention it.
I’ve been in this McDonald’s restroom for over an hour, waiting for an employee to wash my hands.
Drunk is when you feel sophisticated but can’t pronounce it.
Show me in the employee handbook where it says I have to like you. Go on, I`ll wait.
So you think you can study with your facebook activated? That`s cute! ^.^
Life is not like a box of chocolates. Its more like a jar of jalapeños, what you do today can burn your a$$ tomorrow
How long do I have to wear these skinny jeans before they start working?
If there`s one thing I`ve learned hiking, it`s the early bird gets the face full of spider webs
Still don`t understand why you can`t end a company-wide email with, `Later b*tches.`
Today I am thankful that I don`t post what I am thankful for on Facebook, every day in November. Or ever.
I`m too lazy to ever write a biography. Story of my life.
Why is there a show called "When animals attack"? It should be called "When stupid people go near dangerous animals."
I don`t let my friends do stupid things... ALONE
To all my ex girlfriends. Don`t worry. I`m still an asshole.
Elevator music bothers me on so many levels