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*licks finger, holds it up in the air* ah yes, just as I suspected. wind.
Make any conversation awkward by pulling out and starting a stopwatch without saying why you’re doing it.
When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison.
Sunglasses: I don’t want to make awkward eye contact with certain people.
Bending over ... preparing to do my taxes.
According to a recent survey, 98% of people responded with "Go away."
Renewed my "Man Card" today, by going out in the cold, drizzly weather to cut firewood. In other news, police are investigating sightings of a chainsaw wielding maniac in the my area. I hope the catch that nut job!
Its amazing how much more tolerable thanksgiving with the family becomes after the 5th cocktail…
HANGOVER!!!!! it`s God`s way of sayin "u kicked a$$ last night"
I believe in love at first sight or as science calls it, "boners."
The 21st century: When deleting history is more important than making it.
"You should`ve come with us!" well, inviting me would`ve helped..
That awkward moment when you type your password where you should`ve typed your email, and your friend`s standing right there -___-
The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they´re going to be when you kill them.
I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and crap a better status than yours!