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Admit it at some point in your life you have tried to close the fridge slowly to see when the light goes out...
Oh and BTW,,, Why haven`t Pig Pen`s parents been visited by child services yet?
Why fart and waste it, when you can burp and taste it
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Do you know who invented the Knock Knock joke? I don`t know either, but whoever did should get a no bell prize.
Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
Yesterday I jokingly asked my wife what she was burning for dinner. Turns out it was all my personal belongings.
Your french fries are just my french fries on the wrong plate.
If you think I hate you ... I probably do.
The key to a long relationship: Keep the fights clean and the sex dirty.
Statement: "Do you really love me?" True Meaning: "Ive done something stupid and youre going to find out sooner or later."
I bought the world`s worst thesaurus yesterday. Not only is it terrible, it`s terrible.
The greatest fear is NOT fear itself. It’s dropping your phone in a port-a-potty!
Some days I just wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once.
The grass isn’t always greener on the other side. It’s greener where you water it.