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I`m actually a really good driver, when Facebook is down.
It`s nice to know I`m wanted....even if it`s only by the Police!
Shhh...you had me at "alcohol may intensify effect..."
I’m having some vision trouble today. I can’t see myself doing anything.
My RSVP : I`ll be attending your wedding alone but consuming enough cake and alcohol for at least two.
Like this if you can’t think of a clever status either.
I don`t believe in karma, but I do believe in punching people in the face.
What idiot decided to call them marijuana dispensaries and not grass stations?
I thought I`d try yoga to make myself more flexible, but I`m still incredibly stubborn.
"Dora" only rhymes with "Explorer" if you`re from Long Island, New York
People should be required to pay an extra dollar for every syllable of their coffee order.
The only thing I`ve learned from scary movies is to avoid pale children
These are not pizza stains on my shirt they are pizza memories, wonderful wonderful memories.
The early bird gets the worm! So does the late bird. They all get worms all the time; there`s tons of those things. Relax, there will always be a lota worms......
Black holes must be where God divided by zero.