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Million dollar idea: Duck Dynasty chia pets.
If its so great outside why do bugs try to get in my f*cking house?
When they say " drink responsibly ", what they really mean is "don`t f***in spill it!"
that awkward moment when your pulling the covers up and hit yourself in the damn face !!!
has often thought that what doesn’t kill us makes us drink stronger liquor.
Calm down ... Take a deep breath and hold it for about 30 minutes.
Fun Fact: Vegetarians live up to nine years longer than meat-eaters. Nine horrible, tedious, meaningless, worthless, meatless years.
Here hold my dignity, I`ve got some sketchy shit to do.
You`re not living life right if you don`t get just a little bit nervous every time you hear a police siren.
In order to get my teenagers attention I shut off the WiFi router and wait for them in the room it`s in.
I need u to do me a favor... Stand in front of my car please... I need to test my brakes :)
A lot of people don`t know this, but you can quietly like or dislike Obama.
So Apple is gonna buy Beats by Dr. Dre... I guess "an apple a day keeps the doctor away" doesn`t apply to technology?
When people ask me for advice, I tell them, “Use your best judgment,” which they clearly don’t have if they are asking me for advice.
Some people come into your life as blessings, others come into your life as lessons.