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Sex with human, ok. Sex with cow, not ok. Grabbing cow titty, ok. Grabbing Karen in accounting`s titty, not ok. Apparently.
When it comes to bug protection, you just can`t beat "OFF!".
I tried being awesome today, but I was just so tired from being awesome yesterday.
Tis the season to throw your diet out the window.
I’m a proud supporter of messy hair and sweatpants.
I like them big and fake. ~Me talking about Christmas trees
Blockbuster sell sweets and ice cream to go with your DVD rental - who the hell wants to rent sweets and ice cream?
I know there are some people we say were dropped on their heads as babies. But there are others that were clearly thrown in the air, hit the ceiling fan, bounced off the wall & fell out the window.
I`m known all over the world for my exaggerations.
If a guy stares at your boobs, just stare at his d!ck ... maybe squint a little bit
I ate 4 cans of alphabet soup, and just took probably the biggest vowel movement ever
There are no words to describe how I feel about you... Good thing God invented the middle finger.
I like when job applications have a “Some College” option so they know I’m an aimless loser.
Life is like a burrito. If you fill it with too many things it falls apart and then you cry and they kick you out of Chipotle.
Someone smells like cigarettes and bad decisions.......Oh it`s me? Sorry about that.