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Naps are tricky because you either wake up refreshed and relaxed or you have a headache, dry throat, and are unaware of what year you`re in.
We should bury everyone upside down so if they come back as zombies they’ll dig the wrong way.
I don`t know what`s more awkward, answering Dora, or sitting in silence while she stares at you.
I`m convinced some people got married just so they could gripe about being married...
I bet Waldo`s parents are worried sick.
I dont know about you guys, but I am amazed Pringles is able to constantly grow the same shaped potato. Science.
I have decided to leave my past behind me.. so If I owe you money..I’m sorry. but I’ve moved on.
The bright side of getting attacked by a Cyclops is only having to use half the pepper spray.
I bought a book called `How to become an expert at Origami`. So far, I`ve made 1000 paper snowballs.
Garage sales are the gateway drug to Walmart.
There is a special place in Hell for people who stop at yellow lights.
We live in a time where "He is hot" is more important than "He is a nice guy."
My therapist keeps saying that I should really stop talking to inanimate objects.....but he`s a lamp...what does he know....
Home is where the pants aren’t.
I just slid off the couch and lay on the floor for a while and eventually sat up without using my hands, is that a yoga class?