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The first step to admitting you have a problem is having a problem.
There`s never been a lazier group of people than the ones that settled on naming a candy bar "Whatchamacallit."
I asked my girlfriend if she was ok with me buying her a ring. She said "nothing would make me happier!" So I got her nothing.
Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle
this guy with binoculars has been watching me watch him with binoculars and i don`t know who`s winning
Look, all I`m saying is if you didnt want me to take my clothes off and do an interpretive dance you should have turned off Michael Jacksons "man in the mirror".
Seth Rogen and James Franco having their movie pulled due to terrorist threats sounds like the plot of a Seth Rogen and James Franco movie.
I hope these environmentally friendly toilets save at least 3x the water because that’s how many times I need to flush.
Most of my thoughts have been coming from a very dark place lately. That`s what happens when you forget to pay your electric bill
Easy come, easy go describes my last 12 cases of beer and 17 relationships.
A jealous woman does better research than the FBI.
If your father is poor, Its your fate, but if your father-in-law is poor, then its your fault!
facebook is the only book we read everyday.
If my walls could talk, they`d probably say "stop running into me you idiot"
1. Denial 2. Anger 3. Bargaining 4. Depression 5. Acceptance – My stages of getting ready for work