Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
America: Where stairs are only used for emergency escape purposes.
I`m really good at using the turkey baster as a sword and getting drunk and not being invited to Thanksgiving anymore.
Let’s all take a moment and be thankful spiders can’t fly.
Dating should be like buying a car... You should get to talk to the previous owners! SHOW ME THE MANFAX
I am a drinker ... Hear me pour
Sorry, but breaking up with you on facebook was the best way of letting all your friends know I`m available.
If Jimmy cracked corn and no one cares, then why the heck is there a song about it?
I think I really have an amazing butt, every time I talk to someone and start walking off they say,"what an a$$.."
They say a dog can retrieve a tennis ball from over a mile away. Seems a bit far fetched to me.
Women who tell me I have commitment issues have never seen me with a large pizza.
Dear whoever is playing sweet child o` mine at 2:30 in the night at full blaring volume to disturb the whole neighborhood......NICE!
You know it was a good sh!t when you come back and your screensaver is on.
Afraid my muffin top is desiring to become a pound cake.
Apparently the ``All you can eat buffet`` isn`t a challenge ...
I can`t wait to miss the upcoming season of American Idol.