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I can not be held responsible for what my face does when you talk.
Love your neighbor ... but don`t get caught.
My imaginary friend is bullying me.
This pill bottle says `Take with plenty of fluids` and `Don`t take with alcohol`. That doesn`t even make sense
There are other things in life besides sex and alcohol. Those other things all suck, but they do exist, I assume.
I`m back in the HR office today. In my defense my coworker very plainly said "stick a fork in me, I`m done"
Nobody tell my husband that "year round periods" aren`t a thing.
Four words that I never want to hear: There is no food
I did all I can do. I can´t do no more
One time I exaggerated so hard that I died.
I always get this dream where I`m driving in reverse ...Then I wake up and see that I`m driving normally.
I haven`t seen any new Bigfoot pictures in a while... I hope he`s OK.
Avoid hangovers: stay drunk ;)
One man`s LOL is another man`s WTF
Who wants to go Smart Car Tipping?