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Girls are like guitars: easy to strum, hard to tune
I`m a bitch ... What`s your excuse?
You learn something new everyday and if you didnt know that then you just did.
I get a real kick out of people who drive a mile in their car to run a mile on a treadmill.
A German boy pushed his brother off a cliff. He then turned to his mother and said "Look Mom! No Hans!"
If you use more toilet paper to wipe the tears out of your eyes then wip your bum in the morning...the food was too hot the night before
Every so often, I like to go to the window, look up, and smile for a satellite picture.
If you could see what goes on inside my head, you would have nightmares for weeks!
Scent is the sense most tied to memory. "Common" is the sense least tied to people.
I wish tanning beds could pop you out like a toaster when you`re finished.
If I ever go missing and there’s a big search party out looking for me, you can save time by not looking at any gyms.
A dating site based on Netflix viewing compatibility.
A morning text from me doesn`t mean "good morning". It means "I`m having very dirty thoughts about you right now".
One day your prince will come. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost and too stubborn to ask for directions.
You never know how many people you dislike until you have to name your child.