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Men like football because the priorities in football are also the biggest priorities in every man’s life…. Scoring and Ball Security.
They say if the palm of your hand itches, you`re going to get something. And if your crouch itches, you`ve already got it.
If I ignored you any harder, we`d be married.
It doesn´t matter if the glass is half empty or half full. There is clearly room for more alcohol.
You don’t realize how many people you hate until you have to name a baby or a dog...
Today`s Horoscope: You`re gullible.
Screw you recommended serving size. You don’t know me.
I wish bedtime was all the time.
If you try to fail but you succeed which have you done?
Do Hostess employees have Snowball fights?
sleep is for people without netflix
My diet could best be described as, "unchaperoned child at a birthday party."
I swear, its like EVERY payday I gotta spend money cause there`s a birthday party to go to, a wedding, a baby shower, a new video game, a new stripper, something. Always something...
If you`re crazy and you know it shake your meds...
None of us have it as bad as the porcupine giving birth to another porcupine.