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A wise man once said nothing.
ALCOHOL - Because no good story ever started with someone drinking a glass of orange juice.
I wonder how many hobbies you have to suck at before you take up bird watching.
This woman is so impressed at my driving that she got next to me just to show me she’s not wearing a ring. Thanks hun, but wrong finger!
Hey! Did any of you see my........ Oh ! Never mind... :D How much of you said that before? heee heee hee!
Sarcasm is just one of the many services I offer to people who ask stupid questions.
Looking back at old text messages and Facebook messages and being like "What the hell was I thinking when I said that."
Have you seen that new golf ball that will automatically go in the hole if it comes within 4in of it. DO NOT carry it in your back pocket!
How long do I microwave this 14 lb turkey?
i just caught a disease so rare that even i dont have it .
I`m as bored as a guy with no arms looking at porn.
Life before the internet was awful. Your friend would be wrong about a trivial issue during dinner and you just had to let it go
My stalker twisted his ankle, so now I have to walk slower for 2-3 weeks.
I`m not ignoring your calls, I just love my ringtone.
Hope dogs are kissing us and not trying to see if we started tasting good yet.