Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I always like to keep a nice photo of myself for my Facebook profile pic because that is the picture that will be splashed all over the news when I finally go off the deep end.
DAMN! I`m so drunk that I cooked a pizza for 450 minutes at 15 degrees.
Exercising can add years to your life. For example I jogged 4 miles today and now I feel like I`m 73.
Recipes sound good until you realize that you don`t have $846 worth of spices in your house.
You know you are paranoid when you think this joke is about you.
I never thought I’d be the type of person who would get up early in the morning to exercise. I was right.
I put my phone on Airplane Mode and now I can`t find it...
My dog reacts to the vacuum cleaner the same way I react when my wife says "We need to talk".
I have a million dollar idea that I will share with the first million people to send me a dollar.......
Saying something stupid and thinking “Yeah, that sounded way better in my head"
it`s friday o clock
Hate it when I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket and it’s not even in there.
I believe that every person has a story to tell...which is why I stay at home.
All my dance moves look like i`m trying to tell the guy on first base to steal second
The Drug Store cashier asked me how im doing as I put some diarrhea medicine on the counter. "Not great man, I`ve got diarrhea" I told him.