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And, yet another day I’ve gone without using calculus.
A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When i quized him on it, he reckoned he could stop aaaany time . . . .
I try to avoid nice people, so they can stay that way.
I don’t want to be a millionaire, I just want enough money to be able to stare off into the distance while pumping gas.
I thought my name was "Stop encouraging him" until I was 11.
I can come up with plenty of ways to do nothing.
There are no problems which cannot be solved through suitable application of high explosives.
What do they give the person that has everything? antibiotics
Interviewer: Have any weaknesses? Me: Bullets I: No, I mean… M: Knives I: I don’t think y… M: probably evil dragons I: … M: Focusing.
People who live in bouncy castles shouldn’t throw darts.
I`m painting a blue square in the backyard... so Google Earth thinks I have a pool.
Being unsure has never stopped me from making a decision.
There`s no way that whatever mothballs prevent is worse than the smell of mothballs.
When you are on a first date and she says to you: "I want you to treat me like a movie star," it is vitally important to establish which type of movie
If you catch me doing a selfie at work, at least offer to take the pic for me.