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I just did my budget for August. If I don`t buy food ... I won`t need toilet paper. I think I`m on to something here.
Congratulations! You’ve just read this sentence.
I have a hidden talent......I really wish I could find it!
I don`t really understand why women are expected to be able to cook if they can give blowjobs.
Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, get wasted all the time and have the time of your life!
How do amish girls know if its a romantic candle lit dinner or just a regular candle lit dinner.
Why do crutons come in resealable bags? Are we really worried about them going stale?
Christmas tip: Wrap empty boxes and put them under the tree. Everytime your child acts up, throw one in the fireplace.
Male or female, no one f*cks with you if you put your lipstick on like The Joker.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats
Apparently this dude at the mall was just tying his shoe and did NOT want to play leap frog. My bad, dude. My bad.
Sometimes I just go on Facebook to see who has been dumped and who is pregnant.
Apparently, "Giant ones" is not the appropriate response to the question, "What are the steps you would take in the event of an emergency?"
When you are dead, you don`t know you are dead. It`s pain only for others. It`s the same thing when you are stupid.
A recent study has found that woman who carry little extra weight live longer then the man who mention it