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It`s called "Biscotti" because nobody would buy "chocolate covered croutons".
Oh Mickey, you’re so fine, you’re so fine you blow my mind. Hey Mickey. Hey Hey Mickey!..face it you didn’t read that, you sang it.
Another day, another chance to make someone say, "Oh, now that`s just WRONG"...
That microwavable meal was delicious and filling! - no one ever
You haven`t really made it until people start using your name as a verb.
People who walk while looking at their phones and expect me to get out of the way... LOL.
My husband and I are having a serious fight. Do you think I should let him know about it?
(Apocalyptic world) "Well guys......there goes our last female"
The list of things I won’t eat if covered in chocolate gets smaller everyday.
Cleavage is like the sun. You can look, but don’t stare.. Unless you’re wearing sunglasses.
Every paper towel commercial just reminds me that the cleanest option is to just not have children.
I`m not sure who`s more drunk, me or the guy wrapped in Christmas lights standing in the mirror.
I have always been suspicious of Wendy`s hamburgers because they are square; much unlike the round hamburgers one finds in nature.
Whenever I see people lined up outside a club on Friday night, I just think "look at all these poor people who don`t know Netflix exists."
“Have you tried just eating a ton of pizza?”- me as a therapist