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I`m sorry did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?
I don`t get offered drugs nearly as often as D.A.R.E. said I would.
One of the first things they tell you in AA is to stop hanging around alcoholics. So I listened, and never went back.
My friend works at a rubber dog poop factory. He`ll never get rich, but he makes doo.
I`m not saying you`re a slut but you`re dirtier than my browser history.
My brain is about as well organized as the Walmart $5 dvd bin.
Is it weird to get naked during a massage? At what point can I ask the masseuse to put his pants back on?
If you`re stuck in a group text, one easy way to get out is to throw your phone in the ocean and start a new life.
If you ever want to know what you look like to the world, don’t look in a mirror, have a child draw you.
I just bought all six seasons of Hoarders on DVD
The biggest cause of cancer in mice is research.
Sometimes my brain is like the bermuda triangle...Information goes in then it`s never found again..
I speak my mind because it hurts to bite my tongue.
I could scroll down my Facebook page and write a country song!!
Duct tape can`t fix stupid, but it can muffle the sound.