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When you wish upon a shooting star, all your dreams will come true. Unless the star is really a meteor about to destroy the earth. Then, you´re pretty much dead no matter what you wish for.
My train of thought likes to circle around the station a few times, take some wrong turns, and end up totally lost.
Life is basically trying to meet better people than the ones you currently know.
I`m just a few smartphone apps away from never having to talk to anyone again.
I got this new calorie counting app ... Every day I go for a new high score ... Winning!
You know you`re a bad driver when Siri says, " In 400 feet, stop and let me out".
Girls here`s how to tell if a guy wants you for sex - 1: He does
You offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she’s not your friend anymore.
I think Facebook is the Malaysian plane of the internet. No one on here has been seen by their family in weeks.
Bad things happen to good people, so I`m pretty sure we`re all safe
Everything is legal when the cops aren`t around.
I`d like to thank Tetris for making me really good at loading my dishwasher.
Can I use my Mastercard to make my Visa payment?
Roger that command center, we have arrived at our destination and will commence countdown..............Sir this is McDonalds how may I help you
Do a little dance... Drink a lot of rum... Fall down tonight...