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I’m crazy but not “LeBron is better than Jordan” crazy.
They should create an app that makes your cellphone go “ahhhhhhhh” when you plug it in.
Kids may be a gift, but I like playing with the box it came in.
If I could have sex with anyone, living or dead, I`d probably pick living.
I order all my food with extra gluten.
Sometimes it’s funnier when you DON’T add “lol” at the end. lol
If you watch the Twilight movies backwards, Kristen Stewart still can`t act.
Facebook: an alternative to drunk dialing.
There`s no way to look cool when the doctor walks into your exam room just as you`re blowing up a rubber glove.
is wondering where noah kept woodpeckers on his ark
I don`t drink to get drunk, I drink to.....no wait, I definitely drink to get drunk.
Roses are red, violets are blue, daisies are white, sunflowers are yellow. This florist has everything.
Like many people, I used to want to be famous, but after this year, I`m quite happy to be have been such a failure.
If stress burned calories, I’d be a super model.
When I see someone yawn, I yawn. I wish it was the same with exercising....