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Wait...so the "c-word" isn`t co-worker?
I drive everywhere but for some reason my shoes still wear out, it’s like there’s just no reward for laziness.
In the 1960s, if you said "All my music is in the cloud" it was due to mushrooms; not Apple.
If you scream in a library, people just look at you funny. If you scream on an airplane, everyone joins in.
90% of the apps on my phone don’t do anything except send me notices that there’s a new version of itself.
You know what I like about people? Their dogs.
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Fingerprints are proof that God doesn`t trust us
Don`t ya wish you could hold people up to the light like a $20 bill to tell if they`re fake or real?
If I ever post something on Social media sites that`s not funny or clever, That just means someone hacked my account, Just Saying!
Working in retail has taught me that the customer is always right. At least while they`re in earshot...
I did all I can do. I can´t do no more
My girlfriend isn`t much of a wrestler but you should see her box!!
Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app and it just sent an ambulance to my house.
come on people driving is just like coloring, just stay inside the lines.