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I cannot even begin to imagine the conversation that led to the first circumcision.
The joy of finding out that your boss is going on a holiday is way greater than you yourself going on one
Irish Handcuffs: Holding a beer in each hand.
Don`t tell me I look tired unless you`re offering to carry me
The longest 10 seconds of my day is when I have to hold down the button on an electronic thing to turn it off
The right man breaks your headboard, not your heart.
Put on my workout clothes before going to the donut store just to give the impression I earned this.
People are obsessed with the front seat of the car but when you get in a bus, you go straight to the back
So if your invited to someone`s 4th marriage is it wrong to give them a gift certificate to a good divorce attorney?
I`m sorry we fought ... I hate it when you`re wrong.
People who actually rate porn videos are the unsung heroes of our generation.
All I ask for is a chance to prove money can`t make me happy.
I guess the teachers went back to school. The bar was nearly empty this morning.
My goal today is to turn actions into thoughts.
I wasn´t born with enough middle fingers to show you how I feel