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It may look like I’m in deep thought, but 99% of the time I’m just thinking about what food I’m going to eat later.
I`ve heard of women that aren`t crazy ... but I`ve also heard of unicorns, so whatever...
I wonder what my dog has named me?
Nothing says `I dont take you seriously` like your dog wagging his tail when you are yelling at him.
Say what you want about Captain Hook, but he ran that entire pirating operation singlehandedly.
Im 6`1", blue eyes, light brown hair, fit, own my own compa......oh crap, wrong website, sorry.
I just sent out my daily text to a random number saying "I hit Zack with my truck. I`m going to need to use your hacksaw to cut him up.
I am going to open "The Karma Cafe" There will be no menus though. You will get what you deserve!
Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.
Work is the curse of the drinking class.
Pretty sure one of my ex-girlfriends added the, "are you still listening?" feature on Pandora.
Some people you know was dropped on their heads as babies. Some were clearly thrown in the air, hit the ceiling fan, bounced off the wall and fell out the window.
Im switching some friends from my Facebook account to my Fakebook account.
person 1: i can draw really well person 2: i`m really athletic person 3: i`m hilarious and likable person 4: i`m gorgeous me: i can breathe
Yawning is the body`s way of saying `10% Battery Remaining`.