Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Just drank a `coffee to go` while sitting. Screw the system!
I hope Iām the last guy on earth ā I wanna see if all those women were lying to me.
If anyone could read my mind I`m pretty sure they`d be traumatized for life.
When I see you in hell I`ll still ignore you
People are always much more interesting before you get to know them.
Dear life, I`ve had enough bullsh!t to last a while. Can we take a little break please.
Tip to get out of jury duty: Begin every answer with "According to the prophecy."
McDonalds ... closing thigh gaps since 1967.
Make your girlfriend scream your name, leave the toilet seat up.
I haven`t talked to my wife in three weeks. I didn`t want to interrupt her.
If they made a movie of my life, it would just be a lot of scenes where I`m looking for something to wipe my hands on.
Indecisiveness is just mental constipation.
Things that make you go Mmmmmmm - Duct Tape
Good For OJ, he gets to take another stab at life..
Whoever said paper beats rock is an idiot. Next time that happens, I`m gonna throw a rock at them while they hold up a sheet of paper.