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This beer tastes like future mistakes.
So many idiots, so few nuclear warheads....
If my girl didn`t want me to wear her new Christmas thong, she shouldn`t have said she bought it "for me." Women are confusing.
I`m sorry but, I could not hear you over the sound of my internal hope that you would shut the f*ck up.
Sometimes I whisper, "I`m on your side" to the computers, just in case they ever succeed in taking over the world...
I am Bad and thats Good. I will never be Good and thats not Bad. There`s no one i`d rather be than ME.
"Safely remove USB." Who does that?
The only thing I ever throwback on Thursdays are drinks
You can dress for success or undress for it. It depends on what type of work you want.
In grade school it’s called bullying but when you get older it’s referred to as upper level management.
Destiny may decide who touches your Life. Your heart may decide who touches your Soul. But…Tequila decides who touches your body
I wish Facebook wasn`t the only place I could block people from my life.
Men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it`s up to women to stomp the shit out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with!!
Indecisiveness is just mental constipation.
That awkward moment when you remember something funny, and can’t stop smiling like an idiot.