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“Wow! My political opinion just changed because of what you posted on Facebook” – said no one ever.
Social media - keeping people away from each other since 2006.
Having kids is like continually cleaning up after a huge party that you didn`t attend.
Is it just me or does chocolate taste even better late at night, hence the the last four letters of the word chocoLATE?!
I hate to choose sides, but if forced, I`ll aggressively side with the person paying my bar tab.
If revenge is a dish best served cold AND revenge is sweet then revenge is basically ice cream. Bring it.
Here`s to ignoring our real problems and getting outraged about something on the internet.
One day we the women will rap the men lets see how they like it!
A few bad decisions really liven up a boring day.
Families should be able to trade people, just like professional sports teams.
Some people want a perfect relationship. I just want a cheeseburger that looks like the ones in commercials.
I know that somewhere in the Universe exists my perfect soul mate, but looking for her is much more difficult than just staying at home and ordering another pizza.
I really don`t get Astrology but I just hope my daughter stays a Virgo until she`s at least 18.
Rapunzel is my favorite fairy tale about a woman who finds happiness when a man pulls her hair.
Just spent like 5 hours talking to my neighbor about his garden and long story short, turns out it was just a f*cking scarecrow.