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I prefer to use the bathroom naked w/ the door wide open. Sorry if this interferes with your idea of a "safe & fun work environment"
Please pay me in cash. I`m not trying to hide money from the IRS, I`m trying to hide it from the MRS.
Waiter: Would u like ur coffee black sir? Me: What other colors do u have?
E-Cigs. The great taste of water vapor, the cool look of blowing a flashlight.
A boob job sounds like the best job in the world.
Childhood is like being drunk: Everyone remembers what you did except you.
The woman in the Superman underwear next to me does not quite understand how white pants work.
Whenever I tell the cashier to ‘keep the change`, it takes everything in my power not to call them a filthy animal.
I just finished writing an article on "How To Improve Your Memory"- But I forgot where I kept it!!
I just called to get my credit score and I heard laughing in the background. Sounds like a cool place to work.
Shouldn’t the Air and Space museum be empty?
Do I regret it? Yes. Would I do it again? Hell Yes.
Celebrate Valentines Day responsibly, or you`ll be celebrating Thanksgiving in a maternity ward
"I need to talk to you” is the one sentence that has the power to make you remember every bad thing you’ve ever done in your life.
I`m sure the guy standing at the urinal next to me, regrets wearing those flip flops today.