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I left work in slow motion but it didn’t blow up behind me.
Of course it`s you. If it was me I wouldn`t even bring it up.
Dear Santa: My sister is the "naughty" one ... trust me.
No one asks the tough questions, like why are drug dealers on the metric system?
If I had a dollar for every time someone has told me to grow up, I could probably afford a whole arsenal of Super Soakers.
RUN? I thought you said Rum. I quit.
thinks that drinking beer is the second-most satisfying thing a guy can do for himself with one hand.
Attention...my facebook page has been hacked. But everyone seems to like the new guy better, me too actually...so fvck it!
Woke up this morning with a HUGE smile on my face....damn kids and thier sharpies.
If you use the word "gay" to desrcribe something that is "merry or happy" then you`re gay.
I hate bugs that fly, jump, crawl, dougie, twerk, 2 step, all that crap.
What do you mean I should be more productive? Do you think this cocktail made itself?
To avoid being eaten by Zombies go to "settings", "public", and uncheck the box that says "Facebook users taste like chicken"
I never finish anyth...............
I may be too old to cut the mustard, but I can still cut the cheese.