Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I may not look good naked, but I`m a beautiful person on the insi.... Hahahaha just kidding I look great naked
Divorce is expensive because its worth it.
Aren`t you too fat to be this rude?
If you need some help at Home Depot and are being ignored, get on one of their step ladders
Pac-Man taught me that you can eat ghosts if you take enough pills.
I`m thankful for pizza and burgers... and ice cream and bacon and fries and... F*ck it, I`m thankful for food. I love you, food.
Just changed my wireless network name in my apartment to "I can hear you having sex through the ceiling and it sounds mediocre."
I cleaned my room and still smells like smoke, stale beer and sweat. This is the last time I use "Mr. Sheen" cleaner.
I try to find the good in every situation. I meant “food.” I try to find the food in every situation.
It isn`t a successful BBQ until some drunken idiot walks face first into a closed sliding glass door. I`m fine by the way.
Alex, I`ll take WTF for a $1000
It`s not an attitude problem, it`s the way I am.
You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
Life is hard ... It`s harder if you`re stupid.
To my neighbor using a chainsaw at 7:30 on a Sunday morning: Try holding the other end.