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is cuddling up with a good book and a cup of tea. Ah, who am I kidding... I´m looking at Hustler and having a beer.
just taught my kids about taxes by eating 38% of their ice cream
When you`re out & your cell battery is low: 1) lower screen brightness 2) turn off WiFi 3) crawl under table 4) weep softly til help arrives
I just let my mind wander, but it didn’t come back yet.
Your french fries are just my french fries on the wrong plate.
Sometimes it’s funnier when you DON’T add “lol” at the end. lol
Facebook is serious. I put more thought into whether or not to accept a friend request than whether or not to sleep with someone.
Car sex is not fun...that tailpipe BURNS
If there`s a bar where everybody knows your name, you`re probably an alcoholic.
Men also have feelings. For example, we can feel hungry
In honor of this years` Super Bowl participants respective States of residence, they`ve changed kickoff to 4:20 Eastern Standard time.
I am absolutely a man of my word. Unfortunately, it just so happens that the word is "Unreliable".
Just tried to put my seatbelt on ... at my desk ... I`m pretty.
Women say childbirth is the most painful thing... obviously they have never stepped on a Lego.
Good thing I got a college degree I think as I put away the kid toys for the 49 billionth time