Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
How do I tell my boss I don`t want to do work anymore but still want money.
If you see me drinking coffee from a to-go cup in public after 3 pm, that coffee is booze in disguise.
happy 3rd birthday to the tartar sauce in my fridge
I like people... From a distance.
Irons are like 1000 degrees, who`s bright idea was it to make an ironing board the flimsiest contraption ever made?
I bet it’s pretty hard at a mime’s funeral to figure out when the moment of silence is over.
Love going into a crowded area and yelling, "Hey stupid!!" and seeing how many people turn around.
Tarantulas make great pets because when they die, rather than grieving you’ll feel an almost overwhelming sense of relief.
Money can’t buy you happiness? Well, poverty can’t buy you anything.
Her: I love it when we finish each other`s Him: pancakes
I don`t know if my stomach is growling cuz I`m hungry or if that`s my liver crying cuz it`s the weekend.
If only mosquitoes sucked fat, instead of blood.
I tried to login on my iPad. Turns out it was an etch-a-sketch and I don`t own an iPad. Also. I`m out of alcohol.
I have finally conquered my annoying habit of repeatedly pressing the snooze button every morning by programming my alarm clock to play lullabies!
I`m 50% sure this cross eyed guy is starring at my tits.