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I have a feeling I already know which direction my "Get rich or die trying" lifestyle is headed.
If the planet is 4 billion plus yrs old. Is 2017 really the correct new year.
I carry a knife, but it’s just in case of cake.
You’d think “attractive neighbor leaves curtains open” would appear in more real estate listings.
Advantage #46 of being single. I have entire closets that are completely empty.
Forecast for the weekend... mild alcoholism, with a 70% chance of poor decisions and impaired judgement. Increasing chance of regret and hangover for Sunday.
You know that you have eaten way too much junk food when you start actually craving something healthy.
I will stop drinking when Captain Morgan puts his foot down.
It`s so cold, I just got a $5 foot long from subway, but by the time I got back to my car it was only 6 inches.
The recommended age to have a Ouija Board is 8+ years old. So, you need to be 21 years old to drink alcohol and 8 to summon the devil.
The best thing about living in the southern U.S. is that "He needed killing" is a valid legal defense.
I did a push-up today. Well, actually I fell down, but had to use my arms to get back up, so close enough. Now I need a beer.
It`s called fall because everything is falling; leaves, temperature, bank account, gpa, motivation...
If you start smacking people with your wife`s purse she won`t ask you to hold it for her anymore
If it doesn’t involve food or sleep, I’m probably not interested.