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Sticks and stones may break my bones but words... words might hurt me deeply, causing great emotional, mental, and psychological damage leading toward a lowered self-esteem and irregular bowel movements.
The sun shouldn`t be allowed to come out until after your hangover.
I love how in movies when someone types a really embarrassing secret they always accidentally send it to the whole school, and they also coincidentally have the phone number of everyone.
I was told today to look at my life from a different perspective. I`m lying on the floor now and the shit still looks f*cked up.
There are two types of people in this world: people who pee in the shower and liars.
I don`t live paycheck to paycheck. I live paycheck to four days before paycheck...
is currently amending my "Who gets money" list when I win the lottery ... who has something nice to say?
There are 2 kinds of people: 1) Happy morning people 2) Cranky morning people that fantasize about killing the happy morning people
I was filling out this form when one of the questions asked "What level is your maturity?" I didn`t fill it out cause I couldn`t find my crayons!!
Happy Fathers Day from your handsomerist and smarterist son
Parenting gets a lot harder when you can no longer say "I`m calling Santa!"
Damn girl are you a cobweb cause you`re really clingy and annoying
I`ve run out of things to be upset about. I hope Justin Bieber has kids soon.
When 12 year old girls call each other honey and sweet heart...
If I die, bury me with fire extinguishers. Because: Hell