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I inboxed a girl on Facebook and she never replied. I guess you could say we`re `seen` each other.
How could a man who is covered in tattoos be afraid of commitment?
Yesterday my boss asked why I was tardy and I said, "I don`t think you`re supposed call people that any more."
Statistics say that 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea. Does that mean that 1 enjoys it?
The best part about having an old VW is driving down the road and watching people punch the sh!t out of each other.
If someone hates you for no reason, give that motherf*cker a reason.
If your phone doesn´t ring it´s me.
The Walking Dead reminds you that other people would still be your biggest problem even if most of them died.
I saw something that reminded me of you.. so I flushed the toilet and washed my hands(:
I get as much action as a white crayon.
Actually, when I went to New Orleans, I blacked out too.
If you give up smoking, drinking, and sex, you don’t live longer, just seems longer.
Hey ladies! Great news! Those low riding, butt crack, hip hugger jeans are coming back in style!
My whole life is based on a true story...
I’m pretty sure I have atleast one anscestor who would be pretty pissed to find out that helicopters exist and I can’t fly one.