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I bet the guy made of money in the Gieco commercial doesn`t ever ride his motorcycle on Martin Luther King Blvd in any town.
When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison.
Calm down mechanic guy. Just here for an oil change. If I wanted to know about all the other shit wrong with my car I`d turn the radio down.
I solve my problems by blatantly ignoring them and going on the internet.
If the NSA and IRS teamed up, I wouldn’t have to do my taxes.
There are two types of people in this world: people who pee in the shower and liars.
just read a list of "the 100 things to do before you die." I´m pretty surprised "yell for help" wasn´t one of them.
Apparently, when asked "In the event of a fire, what steps would you take?" "F**kin` large ones" is not the correct answer.
Feeling bored? Post a status on Facebook that says "Barack Obama 2016" and buckle up for the ride of your life.
You make me feel "I`m-typing-this-with-my-middle-finger" angry.
For over 20 years, I thought Bon Jovi gave love a Band-Aid
When I grow up I wanna be a psychiatrist for the mentally insane...so i can find out what the hell is wrong with you people
Men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it`s up to women to stomp the shit out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with!!
Never underestimate the power of the web. -Charlotte
Always look your best, cause you never know when your family is going to surprise you with an intervention.