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My dog was licking his balls. My friend said "I wish I could do that." I said "You better pet him first; he can be mean sometimes."
Apparently "I`ll break your god damn legs" isn`t the problem solving skills that employers are looking for, at least according to HR anyway.
I want a doorbell that makes the sound of someone knocking on the door.
Taco Bell drive-thru should have a “I’m Feeling Lucky” button.
I would rather have a bad day of fishing then a good day of work.
If by O.P.P. you mean Other People’s Pancakes, then yes I’m down with O.P.P.
lol I rotfl
In my defense, your honor, he had the keyboard clicking sound on his phone turned on
Seven wheelchair athletes have been banned from the Paralympics after they tested positive for WD40.
Michael Schumacher`s former crew just visited him in the hospital. They changed the wheels on his bed and his drip in 4.4 secs.
It’s hard to tell if I’m dealing really well with life these days or if I just don’t give a sh!t.
Christmas time always make me blue :-(( and then red, then green, then oh wow.. presents...
LOSE WEIGHT FAST! Mix equal parts warm water, apple cider vinegar, & lemon juice toss that disgusting sh!t into a sink & get on a treadmill.
Be safety conscious. 80% of people are caused by accidents.
I went frisbee golfing today. I didn`t get an ace, but I did hit a guy and that was just as satisfying.