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If you take Viagra with iron supplements it will cause you spin around and point North.
I`m an organ donor, but I`m pretty sure all they`re going to use my liver for is "after" photos.
Fun Fact: A pizza will never sleep with your best friend behind your back.
I don’t want to be a millionaire, I just want enough money to be able to stare off into the distance while pumping gas.
My life is a constant cycle of waiting for the weekend and then not doing anything when it comes.
A broken clock is right twice a day. I guess what I am saying is, that a broken clock is right more than you.
Accidentally used AOL.com, I betting the employees there are celebrating and think they have a sure future.
I always confuse the words exotic and erotic. That made for a very awkward conversation at my local pet store.
Just took a shower. You have no idea how hard it was to sneak that thing out of Home Depot.
Irony: Asking God to help you on a science exam.
I saw a cool bumper sticker on a back of a SUV . . . “Do you follow Jesus this close?”
I`m known all over the world for my exaggerations.
Revenge is best served to someone`s toothbrush.
Just hired two Private Investigators to follow each other. I`ll keep you posted......
If you reach your hand into a woman`s purse, it crosses into a parallel universe containing everything but the one thing you`re looking for.