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My horoscope started with `are you sitting down?`
Turns out Xenophobia is not `A fear of Warrior Princesses`
"Wife dragged me to this theater. Somebody shoot me." -Abraham Lincoln`s last Tweet.
I am a drinker ... Hear me pour
You will never find the right person, if you do not let go of the wrong one. Call me!
Fun: text a friend "Are you alone right now?" They go "Yes." Then u text back LOL
is not impatient. I just patient really fast.
Peanut butter sandwiches taste better when cut in half diagonally...........Listen,, I don`t make the rules people.
How do you spot a blind man at a nude beach? It`s not hard.
The only thing I drink from a shot glass nowdays is Maalox.
They should open a bar and call it "The Gym" so I can be like those annoying people on Facebook who brag about going to the gym every day.
Facebook keeps telling me people are following me. But, every time I look behide me there`s nobody there? Why does facebook keep lying to me?
Gone insane. Be back Tuesday.
Never change. Unless you’re an a$$hole. Then you should probably change a little.
Yawning is the body`s way of saying `10% Battery Remaining`.