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Legally,It´s questionable. Morally,It´s disgusting. Personally,I like it.
I drive everywhere but for some reason my shoes still wear out, it’s like there’s just no reward for laziness.
"You`re as crazy as your mother" is the last thing I remember saying before waking up in intensive care
I wanna steal a Krispy Kreme truck and go on a high speed chase just because it`d be funny to watch a bunch of cops chase a donut truck
Pain makes you stronger. Tears make you braver. A broken heart makes you wiser. And alcohol makes you not remember any of that sh!t.
I´m a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect!
If there`s no god then how do you explain yoga pants?
I hate it when I’m singing along to a song, and the artist gets it wrong.
You know your a$s is ugly when you`re the one always asked to take the photo.
I want to grow my own food but I can`t find any bacon seeds.
Does anyone have plans to stare at their phones somewhere exciting this weekend?
I`m not saying I`m bilingual but if you shout at me in German I`ll probably do whatever you want
A police officer came up to me yesterday and asked , "Where were you between four and six?" I said, "kindergarten".
If I`m ever in the hospital on Life Support, don`t just pull the plug. Pull it and plug it back in. Basically, see if you can reboot me.
The problem with drinking with people from work is they`re the ones I bitch about when I`m drunk.