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Is it wrong to tell a knock knock joke to a homeless person ?
My wife said she wanted to feel special. So I gave her a helmet and some crayons. Perhaps I misunderstood her?
STEP 1: Sign up for email newsletter STEP 2: Receive email newsletter STEP 3: Delete unread email newsletter for the rest of your life.
So she asked me "Do these pants make my butt look big?" And I said, "Not at all dear .. its the fat that does that." So now I´m single again.
You know those people who get all excited and lovey with puppies at pet stores? Same. But I`m in a liquor store.
I taught my wife everything she knows about male stupidity.
No matter how much you push the envelope - it`ll still be stationery.
What doesn`t kill you makes you have lots of hospital bills.
Does "who cares" count as advice?
Ever look in a mirror wondering about the stranger staring back & then realize it`s your neighbor`s window and they`re calling the cops?
Boobs are like the Sun. You can stare at them directly just for a few seconds, but if you put on sunglasses, you can stare as much as you want!
When I die, before my will is read, I want my entire Google search history revealed and whoever is left in the room gets it all.
Things I`m confused by: how did Rub a Dub Dub, Three Men in a Tub become a nursery rhyme?
You should never answer your phone during sex, particularly if it`s your wife calling.
It`d be nice if the married people would leave some of the single people for the rest of the single people.