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When I`m bored, nobody texts me. But as soon as I`m busy, BAM! ... still nobody texts me.
I really wish Walmart had a 10 teeth or more line...
That awkward moment, when you wake up with one sock on.
Never trust anyone who smiles this early in the morning.
We`re all brave until we realize the cockroach has wings
Anybody know where the cheapest place to buy 12 red roses is?.....just asking for a friend.
Mo’ money, mo’ problems. This explains why I don’t have problems.
I love all religions. They bring holidays .
Tomorrow I`m going to start using big words to sound smart....Sorry, I meant utilizing gargantuan idioms to simulate intelligence
My parents say I was an unplanned child, which probably explains why my life isn`t going to plan.
I find the best way to get rid of headaches is to send them either to their rooms or outside to play.
Sometimes I feel like a semicolon. I don`t know where I belong.
Life is hard ... It`s harder if you`re stupid.
Crossfit is the healthiest way to get rid of your friends.
I’d steal a doughnut truck and attempt to outrun the cops, just to let people see a bunch of cops chasing a doughnut truck!