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I had hopes and dreams. Now I have vodka and the internet.
To all them girls who go out , looking sexy as hell but have boyfriends.......Please continue to do so when you`re married.
Modern video games are giving kids unrealistic standards of how many swords they can carry at one time.
Just vacuumed for the first time in a really long time and apparently I have hardwood floors?
Not to brag or anything, but I got the high score on my scale today.
The older I get .... The more dangerous it is to sneeze
Congratulations, U.S. Government, you are now officially more embarrassing than Miley Cyrus
"Any way you can speed this up, officer? I`m obviously in a hurry."
Updating my status in the car. Don’t worry, I’m in the passenger seat. Which makes it harder to drive, but fools the cops.
I`m really tired but it`s OK. There`s a nap for that.
I wish I loved anything as much as rappers love female dogs and gardening tools.
"Truth or dare" should be renamed to "Interrogation or Humiliation"
The Internet: where no one is afraid to say the first thing that pops into their head.
I went for window shopping , and guest what , I bought four windows....
Did you ever wonder why the cat was in the bag in the first place?