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i think lady gaga puts glue on herself, and rolls around random items.
I’ve never considered myself much of a conspiracy theorist. Then I discovered the letters in Frito Lay could be rearranged to spell Oily Fart- Coincidence?… I think not!!!
There`s no life problem that a good "F*ck this shit" can`t solve.
The baby spit up on my Xbox so I had to get rid of it ... I`m gonna miss that baby...
The only excuse for the kinds of storms that have been coming is that someone somewhere is losing a game of Jumanji...
Just found a shopping list in this cart that said, "Beer, wine, crap like that", so apparently my soulmate is still out there.
On Fridays, I always dress for what the weather is going to be at 3am when I drunkenly lock myself out of my apartment.
Your selfie would be way better if you weren`t in it.
Please come see my theatrical dramatization of the history of puns ... It`s a play on words.
It`s so expensive being a woman. I know because I have financed a few.
This girl is ignoring me like a check engine light.
I don`t run away from my problems. That`s immature. I ignore them.
I thought there was a spider on the rug, but it was just some yarn. It’s dead yarn now, though.
People that use big words, but not in the right context, are just trying to be ambidextrous
My doctor told me to watch my drinking. So I’m off to find a bar with a mirror.