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Her: Do I look fat? Him: Do I look stupid?...
I`ll be thankful when this thankful month is over.
A computer losing its internet access is the equivalent of a car running out of gas, both become useless.
Comcast is doing home security now so if your house is being robbed they will get the police there on Tuesday between the hours of 8 & 12.
Happiness is using an ATM and finding a receipt left by someone with an account balance lower than yours.
Don`t do it in the Garden, they say love is blind but ur neighbor ain`t.
Is it just me, or that sea witch Ursula from the Little Mermaid inspired from a full blown flamboyant drag queen?
When I see a tire swing swaying gently in the breeze, I like to believe its daydreaming about life on the open road.
The worst walk of shame is the one back onto the crowded elevator after getting out on the wrong floor.
The baby gets furious when I try to undress him. Must get that from his mother.
I like how the nice people of Sesame Street all know that Oscar the Grouch lives in that can, and yet they still stuff their trash into it.
On one issue, at least, men and women agree: they both distrust women.
It`s okay I`ll text myself back.
Having the worst day ever. All traffic lights I passed were green so I had to stop on the side of the road to check my Facebook like some caveman.
To any ex-military that live on my street I apologize for whatever messages we may be sending, 2yo has discovered light switches