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To all my Facebook friends. Have a happy St. Patrick`s day, and all the festivities this weekend. Stay safe, enjoy life, and if you by chance happen to find a bartender who is bad at math...give me a call :)
I propose a toast to the booze for making life seem tolerable.
Offering a homeless dude $5 from across the street is my version of Frogger.
If you can’t face it, moon it.
New Years - the only day where its socially acceptable to drink this early.
I dont understand these pregnancy test things, so I took another one just to be sure. Just as I thought, its negitive, we`re not pregnant! Now how am I going to tell my wife she is just fat.
This oatmeal tastes like I`m gonna need a doughnut.
I only use shampoo that smells like raspberries so people don`t think it`s weird when I have jam in my hair.
Holy sh*t! Did you guys know Facebook has a "sign out" button?
Sleep is for people with no internet connection.
I have an eating disorder; I`m about to eat dis order of fries, dis order of wings, and dis order of nuggets.
You`ve cat to be kitten me right meow.
I would like to publicly apologize to anyone I have NOT offended…I will get to you shortly.
My method of going "offline" in FB chat is to just ignore you.
The point is... Is Imma hug you like a panda nd you`re gunna like it.!(: