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Haters are my motivators(:
There are over 10 different flavors of Ramen Noodles, yet they all taste like poverty and loneliness.
How did people crash their vehicles before cellphones?
There`s no use worrying about things you can`t control. Except for bodily functions...Hopefully you can control THEM. :/
Today`s Horoscope: You`re gullible.
I`m putting more thought into my Halloween costume than into my job.
I told my girlfriend to get me a newspaper. Dont be silly, she replied. Borrow my iPad. That spider never knew what f*cking hit it.
A trail of clothes leading to my bedroom means I dropped them on the way from the dryer.
You’d be more impressed with me if you never met anyone else.
If I were to give up Sarcasm, that would leave interpretive dance as my only means of communication.
I`m so lonely that my cat owns a cat.
Ladies, I hate to break this to you, but curves and rolls are not the same thing.
Birds do it. Bees do it. Heck, even fleas do it. Let`s do it! Let`s live in a homeless man`s beard!
It`s hard to focus on a home workout when your home also contains a refrigerator full of delicious food
I don`t know what your problem is, but I`ll bet it`s hard to pronounce.