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At least my motivation gets to sleep in.
No matter how busy a guy is, he can always take out a moment from his busy life to just stop and stare at a beautiful girl.
Zombies only eat brains. You’re safe.
I love how twix come with two bars so I can eat one now and the other immediately after
The trouble with children is that they´re not returnable.
I`ve heard that men that are married live longer, but i`ve also heard that men that have sex live longer. Anybody know which one of them is true?
“I demand a recount.” – Me, in a nugget dispute at McDonald’s.
The ultimate home security system is having shitty stuff.
Just bent over to pick up a beer that rolled out of the fridge and realized yoga is exhausting
My girlfriend is now mad at me because I didn’t know why she was mad at me.
Don`t half a$$ it. It`s not a real nap unless you take your pants off.
"Someday, your phone will cost more than your computer" - said no one ever.
Adulthood is basically sadness and paying bills.
Being an adult is mostly just wondering if the stuff in the dishwasher is dirty or clean while eating soup out of a sand castle bucket.
"Oh!Look The Smurfs Grew Up!"Grandma those are Avatars." -_-